My way vs. HIS way

With my week fast over, I see how easy it is to fall back into old habits if you donr catch yourself. I hope I become more conscious of how high I prioritize food over God and that i may chance my ways.

 As I make my way back down to MD, there is an email that awaits me. Its my decision for an summer internship I applied to. As positive as I try to be in the aspects of my life, for things like this I always assume the worst.

I don’t know why but I want this internship very badly. I think it’s because sometimes when you’re constantly hearing “no” from others, it strengthens you but at the same time it really hurts your self esteem. 

I prayed to God that it may be His will that I get the internship. I pray it is His will and that if God forbid it isn’t– that He may provide me with opportunities this summer that lead me in the path of what he wants me to do for my career. 

The anxiety is choking me, but I am just too scared to check .Today I needed a passage to encourage me and I came across Hebrews 6:9-10 :

“But beloved, we are confident of better things concerning you, yes, things that accompany salvation…For God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of love which you have shown towards His name”

I have to remind myself that MY way and GOD’s way are not always in alignment . What He wants for me is unknown to me but I know it is a plan that fulfills glory and I want to honor that. I never want to let HIS WILL get blinded by my wants but I pray that they might align. 

God is good all the time, when we get what we want and even when we want. I was just telling my friend yesterday that it is not about how you praise God when you good things happen but how you praise him when good things DON’T happen. I pray that whatever the outcome is , though I may be upset for a while, that it doesn’t stop me from praising God. 

I am going to check my email in a few hours. Whoever is reading please pray for me and also don’t forget to thank God for the life and grace He has given all of us! Oh how He love us!💕

day 7

Yesterday was a different day. Not only was I fasting, I was also going on a 7 hour van ride to North Carolina to do community service. 
Needless to say, not only did I do cardio for an hour straight at the gym in the morning, I was in a full car with no room to stretch my legs and dealing with extreme nausea and headaches from motion and not eating, as well as my usual daily fatigue. BUT, I’M BLESSED. 

Do you know why? Because despite all that and my thoughts that I would feel better if I just ate, I didn’t succumb until it was the Lord’s appointed time. 

Today really showed me a lot about the willpowr that I have developed just over the course of 7 days. I watched pasta made just the way I like it right in front of me, smelled the great tasting aroma and watched others eat all day but still stuck it out because this fast is so much bigger than me, it’s for HIM. 

Now myself and a group of 8 other girls are in the historical town of Princeville, North Carolina to lend our aide in repairing some of the houses damaged by Hurricane Matthew. I pray that God allows us to do the most good despite our limited time here. 

But I pray that God allows that to me a moment where I can speak out about why I serve Him the way I do and that He can speak through me and bud seeds of belief and convictions in the hearts of some, if not all, these girls. 

Today was my last day(even though I didn’t know) I pray that God truly wakes me up and gives me the strength to follow after Him though His path is the least desired. I pray for those j know , love and those who I don’t, that regardless they may come to know God before it is too late! 

Amen. 

day 6

black-number-6-framed-wall-art-15_1As my week comes to an  end, i find denying myself food to be that much easier but most importantly I find my dependence and thanks to God to be greater. God does so much for me alone but for everyone in this world. It’s such a shame that we cannot give him the praise that he deserves.

Honestly, it has just been in my heart to give God thanks, true thanks for every single thing He has done for all of us because He surely didn’t have to.

I pray that I continue to grow in my willpower and that the things that I let consume me hereby diminish. God is molding me but I think it is about time I answered His calls and served in obedience not in self-fulfillment.

As I give thanks though, I also wanted to take a moment to ask for forgiveness from our God. It is so easy to get swayed by the messages told in this world and sometimes I lose focus of Him and I act out of anger, fear of judgment or even selfishness. This cannot be done for a God who has done so much for me alone! I also feel as if this week God has given me the free time to be invested in my word and even get ahead in my schoolwork but unfortunately I did not use the time wisely. SO i just ask for the Lord’s forgiveness that He may continue to prune away my downfalls, make me new and help me to learn from my errors. Most importantly, I pray His heart remains forever pure, that He may never give up on us!

day 5

d19902528d21bcf06fa43ccfc4e89cf1It seems as though every day gets a little easier. I think today, it became no longer about the food but about the fast. Yes, I still had food on the brain because honestly—when don’t i? But I find myself not worrying about the clock or about the fact that I had to wait to eat, all I was considered about was making the most out of my day.

Today I had the opportunity to serve not once, but twice. In the morning I went to a high school in Baltimore City and got the opportunity to meet some ninth grade students and do some college readiness activities with them. I won’t lie, the job of working with this population can be a headache and a half but the experience filled my spirit. We haven’t even begun to crack the surface yet but I know that with consistency and the care we show the students, some of them can realize their potential and reach for it.

My second opportunity was going to homeless shelter for women and children that I volunteer at biweekly. Today was a carefree day and what I appreciated most was truly getting to know some of the children by names and personality and even being able to give them lessons and advice. It may have been nothing to them but it was such a great feeling to be around them (even though they know how to tire a girl out!) Silly as it sounds, I randomly taught some of the children what  omnivore/carnivore/herbivores were and why sometime’s it is better to mind your own business in order to stay out of trouble. I’m not sure if m messages were received the way I wanted but the chance that God even allowed me to be there to do so is something to bow down and give Him thanks for.

When it came to reading my verses for the day I tried so hard but fatigue consumed me once again and I fell asleep in the middle of my reading and analysis (i hate when i do that!). BUT i did get through one important verse:

“Nevertheless…the Lord your God turned the curse into a blessing for you, because the Lord your God loves you.” Deuteronomy 23:5

This reminded me of the incomprehensible love that God has for us. Despite of our shortcomings and our faults and the way we turn away from Him, God is always there to welcome us back with open arms if we are willing to except all of Him . And I thought to myself, God has done ALL of this for us and all that He asks is for us to devote more of us to Him and we cannot even do that. It makes me sad for the state of our hearts that we are so concerned with self that God doesn’t even get put in the back burner but in the empty corner of the attic.

Though i got a lot out of just this one verse, I wish I would have read more of God’s word and been more focused and attuned to it.

Tomorrow I pray for the ability to focus and take in more of God’s word. I pray to keep my priorities aligned with God’s will for my life and that I may no longer feel as though I fall short or as if there is something else I need in life in order to feel whole. He should be all I need.