Hello to all,
So things have definitely changed from the last time I was writing about my state of mind. The last time I was writing I felt like an empty vessel that was trying, hoping, pleading for SOMETHING– change, God, feeling.
I’m happy to say my doubts and fears have simmered though I guess they are Leah’s in the bck of my mind. I have found God once again but now my biggest fear is losing Him again or not doing enough to truly Honor His name.
I’ve been having this overwhelming guilt that I risk becoming stagnant, there is so much I want to do but truly by the end of the days I have only one thing completed.
Something that keeps coming to my mind is the notion and feeling that that God had predestined something SO grand and impactfulfor me to do –like I just know it–I just don’t know what it is. But what’s worse is I see people going off and traveling and doing what they want and TRUTHFULLY I need that, to make BIG changes, to plan something the me from 2 years ago would never think to do.
I want to make a grand hangs but I don’t know what it is…so I’m just praying that God will guide me and give me the support I need in my life so that they may steer and influence me in the way that I should go.
Also, I have chosen to do a couple of things:
1. Read the entire Bible (currently on Genesis 5)
2. Restart my healthy eating lifestyle
3. Commit to studying abroad in Brasil
4. Give up meat
5. Donate substantial amounts of my clothing
6. Start sewing
I’m writing this down here as a way to hole myself accountable. It seems as if I have no willpower for them though and that has to change! So truly if I slip up.. I want to acknowledge my guilt and be serious about my obligations.
A season of change is upon me, and I know God won’t lead me astray, I just pray I truly Honor Him in the fashion He deserves and that He guides me.