So i must say today was definitely a different outcome from yesterday. I knew from the moment that I woke up that something was different. I woke up feeling like there was a cloud looming over me. I don’t know I can’t quite describe it, but I used to get into the mood very frequently and it would often consume me but by God’s grace I’ve learned to not let it take over my life and relationships.
When I feel that way, it is as if I want to give everything up and just cease to exist–overdramatic? yeah probably but that’s how I see it. I felt it the moment I woke up and I was scared. I am supposed to be worshiping and praising God but here I am feeling pity for my own self. The only thing I could do was pray and humble myself. I asked God for strength and for Him to reshift my focus, so that my eyes look to Him when I feel this way. I reminded myself that I was only feeling this way because what I am trying to achieve with this fast is something that the world does not want to achieve. I had to remind myself of God’s goodness and how much I lose from straying away from His embrace. HE kept me grounded, I had to think of the joyful things, they beauty in this world that was created by Him.
I must say that today I was not as busy and so the fast was MUCH harder. With little distractions by eyes gravitated towards the fridge and the clock, but I pray that in time I learn to deny my flesh all the more. I pray that HE continues to humble me and strengthen me so that I am better equip to do HIS will. I pray for mercy and the challenges that will surely come and that I should be strong enough to overcome them. Tomorrow is a new day, we go back to school and our daily schedules but I pray that with less time in my schedule I still devote multiple moments to HIM.
I pray for all those out there who long to get close to Him or for those who have fallen from His grasp. I pray they all may find their way back to His love before their time is up. I pray He gives me the ability to speak BOLDLY of HIM and live by His word and His will.