so, it has been a little over a week since I returned to school and started school and all I can say is– let the games begin. The first week of classes was so relaxing with so much free time on my hands I started to think to myself, I could get used to this. I was genuinely unbothered, filled with so much joy and gratitude it was almost infectious. This Monday though, i realized how busy my planner was, it became meeting after pit-stop after work obligation. It wasn’t until I spent 5 minutes scarfing down my lunch that I realized how hectic the day had been.
It was so busy, I did not have the time to sit down and spend time with God, reading my word. If it is one thing that bothers me, it is feeling like my time with God is rushed or out of obligation. I then quickly sprinted to work and got out my journal and bible and the first thing that popped into my head was “beware the barrenness of a busy life”. Though that was not in the Bible– Socrates knew what he was talking about.
That was a reminder to myself, to not get so engrossed with the endless checklists of tasks to complete that I lose sight of the reason why I can do all of these things that I do. God is everything, “He gives power to the weak and to those who have no might, He increases strength…” -Isaiah 40:29. He provides us with all that we need that we may never lack, guiding us through this mystery we call life while holding our right hand (41:13)
So this post was basically to assure myself. Assure myself that I wouldn’t go back to the old me. The me that let life get the best of her. The me that forgot about God and gave into her sadness, letting it take over her. I REFUSE to be that girl, always anxious, with 200000 things floating aimlessly through her cerebral. I pray that the Lord strengthens me because without Him I am just a tiny vessel but with Him I am a part of His glory.
The old me would fester in sadness and self pity and often times I couldn’t even help it. I would wallow and subliminally take out my anger on others. I would close myself and then wonder why everyone left, it was as if I was my own worst enemy. I’ll get more into it one day and don’t get me wrong, the feelings are still there but I choose instead to stop myself in my tracks, to think of my blessings, to acknowledge my flaws, mistakes and problems.
Above all I will choose love, above it all, I will choose joy because there’s nothing a person can do to another who goes through trials with joy still on their hearts. I want this blog post to hold me accountable. It is so easy to fall into misery, but I won’t go back. Times are gonna get harder but nevertheless; I CHOOSE JOY!